Young Mothers

Turning Plus Signs into Positives

By Nancy Yang • Photos by Jennifer Kettler

“What are you going to write about us?” Beautiful eyes belonging to a girl in her mid-teens meet mine. They linger with determination and wide-open innocence before deflecting toward the other young women seated beside us. The casual chatter halts. Asking such a pointed question took courage and trust, but the risk paid off; it seems to echo the sentiments of the group. Suddenly I’m aware of my status as an outsider, here to write about this group and their experiences in what can be joyful and at once terrifying, hopeful, heart-wrenching, rewarding and thankless. What else besides motherhood could wrap itself around so many contradictions?

The young women are mothers and mothers-to-be, who along with some fathers, belong to the Successful Young Parents Group, a program offered by Lutheran Family and Children’s Services that provides mentoring and bi-monthly support meetings for parents under the age of 22. “Each of the girls involved happens to be outstanding,” said Eileen Long, MSW, a social worker who runs the program. “They continue to strive in school or at work to reach their goals in spite of great obstacles. They are my heroes and an inspiration to all who have gotten to know them.”

A bright and sturdy toddler named Jakeem maneuvers among a jumble of colorful toys, exploring everything in his path with an endless and buoyant curiosity. It’s easy to pick out his mother, Jalisa Burnett, who chuckles with pride as he busies himself about the room. “We call him the Tasmanian devil,” she later told me. “He’ll run into something, get knocked down and get right back up. Everybody loves him. There’s always a surprise.”

Jalisa, who’s barely out of her teens, navigates young motherhood with structure, frugality and ambition. She begins her weekdays at 5:30 a.m. Jakeem’s father, Corey, delivers their son to daycare by bus — they have no car — while she makes her way to an early shift at the University Hospital. Jalisa squeezes in homework during breaks or after work before attending community college in the afternoon. All in all, she spends two hours a day riding the city bus. In the evening, either Jalisa or Corey gives Jakeem a bath, a ritual that’s become a bit athletic now that he can climb out of the tub.

“The scariest thing is trying to trust others to do things when it’s easier to do it by yourself,” Jalisa said. She developed her self-reliance growing up in a large family surrounded by brothers. “I was outnumbered. Most of my life, I was raised by my dad, who probably wished he had all boys.” Jalisa recalled the time she came home after her 10 p.m. curfew, only to find that her father had locked her out of the house until morning. “He didn’t know how to handle a girl. I was the one who picked up and kept going. Normally with stuff I’m involved in, I can get it done on my own.”

But as every mother knows, having a baby changes everything, especially when pregnancy comes as a surprise. For Jalisa, the little plus sign that emerged on her first pregnancy test didn’t add up. The whole thing seemed like a joke. Her roommate had been teasing her about gaining weight and looking pregnant, so she laughed it off and took a pregnancy test to prove her wrong. “I was not ready for a baby, but reality punches you right in the face,”
she said.

Gradually, Jalisa began tapping into the resources available to her, including Ieshia Griffith, her mentor. Over the past year Ieshia has served as something of an older sister to Jalisa, helping with homework, sharing her computer and lending a hand. As a divorced single mom, Ieshia empathizes with Jalisa’s situation. “I’ve actually experienced the same thing,” she said. “Some days I wonder if I can make it or not, but I can see how far God has taken me from where I’ve been. It’s a huge reward being a mentor.” Ieshia’s 3-year-old son and 7-year-old daughter play an integral role in her mentoring. They attend support-group sessions with their mother, who models parenting for the young mothers and teaches her own children about service.

“People assume you know what to expect just because you’re going to be a mom,” said Dana Harris, a licensed clinical social worker who facilitates the support group. Dana doles out humor and encouragement that flow seamlessly among well-placed questions. The girls respond with remarkable insight and candor, the stuff of dreams for parents of adolescents. She has earned their trust and they her pride. They discuss building motherhood into their lives without losing sight of their potential, moving forward from mistakes, family dynamics and, of course, guys. (Several of the fathers meet in an adjoining room with mentor David Sanderson.) Most importantly, she affirms the girls’ efforts to keep their personal goals alive. “The cream always rises to the top,” she said.

Dana, who also works as a crises/outreach counselor at Oakland Junior High School, offers pregnant teens the added dimension of personal experience. “I remember feeling so alone,” Dana said. “Kids just want you to listen to them so they can be heard and validated. They don’t want you to fix their problems — they want to take ownership. That’s where Eileen’s group comes in.”

Eileen made some bold decisions when LFCS took over the group, also known as Resource Parents, five years ago. She began with five young mothers, and because they and their children were considered at risk, she took on the difficult task of recruiting mentors who could appreciate their backgrounds. “I’ll show up almost anywhere,” she said. “It’s embarrassing sometimes.” Eileen recalled approaching one mentor, CortneyJo Washington, at a Parent Resource Fair.

“It was Miss Eileen and who she is that convinced me to become a mentor,” said CortneyJo, a striking woman of 24 with a luminous smile. “I didn’t have a second thought.” Ironically, it was a misunderstanding that brought the two of them together. “I thought the fair was for parents of students, not students with children,” said CortneyJo, a financial aid officer at MU who finds grace in life’s serendipitous events. In addition to full-time work, she has taken on the demands of a master’s degree, community theater and training for the ministry. “The girls want to be loved,” she said. “It’s so easy to let down your guard. I could have fallen prey to it as well. I didn’t know my father — was raised by a single mom — but I don’t want the cycle to continue.”

According to a report by the Alan Guttmacher Institute in New York, the rate of teen pregnancies in the United States is the highest in the industrialized world. Almost all are unintended, and more than 50 percent result in birth (14 percent end in miscarriages, 31 percent in abortions). “The research says that the girls believe if I have a baby, the baby will love me,” said Lynn Frey, RN, who holds a master’s degree in Parent-Child Health and has established parenting centers and programs for teen mothers in New York and New Orleans. “It’s all about filling themselves up with something to love.” Frey believes our consumer society contributes to the void, but that girls who get their needs met are less likely to become pregnant.

Education is the key, and it begins earlier than you might think, said Kim Allen, director of Adolescent Sexuality, Pregnancy and Parenting for the MU Extension. “With young children, it’s important for parents to lay the groundwork by naming body parts and talking about things like good touch and bad touch. That way they’ll come back for more information.” Allen said there’s a misconception (no pun intended) that these conversations will encourage sexual activity. “There’s a values piece to sex education. Kids universally want information from their parents, but parents are fourth on the list of how they get it.”

Chrisma Edward, who is mentored by Cortneyjo Washington and Monique Thompson, vows to be No. 1 as her 14-month-old daughter Chiasia grows up. “There was stuff that didn’t get explained to me,” she said. “Sometimes things get a little stressful, but you should expect that being a mom. I will always be available to sit down and talk with my daughter.” Chrisma possesses a fiery resolve to turn the negatives in her life around. “People told me things like ‘you’re not going to finish school.’ I use those negatives as a building block. It makes me try harder.” As one of the group’s original five, Chrisma helped choose the name Successful Young Parents Group and has remained an active member. “It’s an opportunity to get out of the house. I really don’t have other chances to sit down with others for conferencing and working things out.”

Over the past year, the program has taken off with nearly twice as many mothers and several fathers, a laudable achievement for any social service agency. Like a hovering mother herself, Eileen has been known to put the needs of the program above her own and cash in on her bragging rights. When the subject of Jalisa comes up, she praises her choice to save money rather than borrow to buy a car. “Jalisa makes her own way,” she said. “She gets there.”